Abdominally-challenged

I was walking up to my mini-van in a parking garage, breathing a sigh of relief that I actually correctly remembered which floor I parked it on.  Score! Kate: 1, Early-onset Dementia: 0. But, as I rounded the back of the car and headed to the driver’s side, I noted just how close the car that had parked next to me was. Neither of our vehicles were too close to the parking line, these were just tight spaces, apparently, something I had failed to appreciate when I pulled in (and no car was on my driver’s side at the time).

I walked up to my door, unlocked it, and pulled the door open as far as I could. Wow. It was tight. 6 inches of clearance? 7? I looked down at my 6-month preggers bod and tried to open the door just a little more. But, nope. No more possible room.

I casually glanced around. No one in sight. I took  a deep breath in and tried to squeeze my way in. First, with my shoulders squared , hoping just to pop through with blunt forcce. Nope. Then, obliquely. Nope. I shimmied a little. Uh-uh.

College physics, don’t fail me now.  But all I seemed to be able to recall was levers and pulleys and wasn’t sure how that might help me right now.

This was getting embarrassing.

If only my abdominal protrusion could squish in a little, I could make it…I tried pushing in on my belly to deform it for a second but, dude, that uterus was not budging.

I imagined the camera crews gathering with the headline, “Woman impeded from entering vehicle from own massiveness.”

If only I could strip down naked and had a tub of Crisco….

Don’t make me have to get in from the passenger side. Don’t make me have to get in…

I stared at the sad, open door for 10 more seconds then walked over to the passenger side.

Still no one in sight (Thank the Lord) and I was able to enter fairly easily that way. But climbing over the center island, littered with old half-filled soda cans and various debris (What?), easier said than done.

It wasn’t pretty, but I did it, WITHOUT spilling a half-can of soda I had to hold (although I came very close to ripping out my leg from the hip joint at one point). Just to enter my car.

Pregnancy: 319, Kate: 0.

Seriously? Pregnancy should totally allow women to get temporary handicapped tags. I’m writing my congressman.